Thepreventioncoalition.org asked me to post some of their articles to spread awareness on my Web page and facebook pages. With the problem we are having today in every city, Addiction doesn’t care who you are, your gender, your age, your IQ, your family status, financial situation, The only thing addiction cares about is joining someones life.
My son was addicted and now has been clean 4 years, I was a single mom, we lived in a safe neighborhood, had a supportive family, I was so involved in my kids school and social life and close friends. They were not allowed to have a Facebook page, they still don’t as adults, they didn’t have access to computers with out me being present. I had the best spyware, the kids had no clue what I knew. I had a baby monitor under there bed, I found out one was sneaking out the screen window. What teenager cleans under the bed. Took then years to figure out how I found out things before they could get in trouble. I heard there plans, I believed that as a parent I had a right to look through their things as long as they gave me a reason to. With no reason, I felt they earned my trust. At one point when my oldest decided to test me, He lost his Bedroom door, his phone, all he had was mattresses, blankets and some pillows. I felt they had to be earned back. When He started using I was completely unaware, people would offer there advice telling you it would never happen to their child, why because they had money, married, none of that matters in the scheme of things. I tested my son for drugs. I had never seen drugs, meaning street drugs. I also didn’t know They could buy fake urine from head shops or put bleach in their samples. When he got in trouble, dealing with the court was a joke. They just want to get them through the system. They didn’t understand why I was first involved. second he had consequences at home as well. I found out through reading his brothers cell phone he needed a zip bag of urine. So i called the probation officer and said he needed a hearing, so I brought him and the first thing his court appointed attorney said was “What kind of mom turns there son in” I said One that cares. He threatened to not speak to me because my son was 18. So I sat in the back. The Judge asked me my motivation of being there and I said it was to get my son to be accountable for breaking his probation, she shook her head and said “Wow that’s new a mom turning her kid in” By now I am feeling like a insect. After the hearing the judge made her statement the attorney said
‘by the way you owe me $389.00″ I said”No I don’t ” Squeeze it out of my sons ass, he’s 18. Our system is so messed up that a clean urine sample meant nothing. You think at the court house it would, but it didn’t. They still get away with faking there urine.
He became violent at 6″4 towards me and his brother, broke doors holes in walls ect. I kicked him out, the hardest thing I had ever done. Didn’t sleep, waiting for the call. A Parents worse nightmare. He was homeless 2 years, But I did keep his cell phone, in case he needed me. He did show up for counseling every week on his skateboard, then I would see him skate away in my review mirror. The easier thing would have been to allow him to stay home, but that would have been easier for me not what he needed. The worse time in my life. I didn’t sleep for years.
Good news is, after two years in the streets, giving him a tent I did not want back, he wanted to get clean, that also meant a shower!!! Wanted to get his high school diploma.. He got his Osha 10 certification, flaggers certificate, cpr certification, forklift certification. so he’s been clean 4 years, He has had a job and doing well.
I was lucky, I have a amazing son, that thanks me everyday that he knew no matter what I was there, and I had to kick him out for a reason . Hes getting his life together. I have to be honest, I still am afraid If I don’t hear from him, or he goes out of town, or for no reason, I worry about his going backwards, I believed in being there with him, There was counseling and being supportive but setting boundaries, I was always there, but didn’t support his habits, and not in my home. I still have flash backs and have that fear in my heart, but also have to be proud of the man he has become. I know all stories don’t come out this way, For parents that loose their loved ones and this is a tragedy and my heart breaks for them. But the story isn’t over, It’s a battle every day. I will take every clean day and my new son back in my life. Not every method works for every child, Finding out what works for each child separately is the key. Kelly