A Day in Silence!

A day in silence
As I awoke one day this week, silence is all I had, it was a strange feeling, the reality of going deaf was closer than I had imagined, I was scared of this day, not knowing when it would arrive, here it is, it’s was like being in another world, alone, life going on but your not a part of it, I was scared at first, tears came down my face, but along with tears came serenity, a peace I can’t explain, no negativity, no sounds at all the most peace I have had in 15 years. I didn’t want to tell anyone, didn’t want to alert anyone or become a burden. My stubbornness won again. Life continued whether I could hear or not. There was a certain peace that came over me, I was going to be ok. Now I know how it felt, more peaceful than scary, but the self-guilt, being a burden on someone always wins in my head so not a word to anyone, I can handle this and anything that comes my way, but another realization came to me, who would I tell? My immediate family meaning in my home and who else, who else is really there for you and be there for me this time, I mean not just say they are but truly are. Names came to mind and certain names were a no way. Very sad. Needless to say my hearing came back in the ear, the pain has not resided but it reminded me how every day I am lucky to hear and every person that I love and adore I know would be there. But I also know who wouldn’t be that’s where I believe where this lesson came from. Spending energy on the people who love me sick, well, hearing or not hearing, I would get cochlear implants.  but that is a process in itself. I just hoped to postpone. My point of this is, I have special friends in my life that have been here more than people I thought would be. That’s ok! I am Kelly strong and stubborn, I don’t need people that don’t care, or give a rats ass, I give a rats ass about everyone. I will continue this work to help others and spend my energy on those closest to my heart. Hard lesson. But I at least know who really is there for me because the care not out of obligation. Lesson 2. No more negativity. I need all the strength to fight even if it means saying goodbye to certain people in my life. Thank you to my dear friends that I know in my heart no matter what, I can’t apologize for my illness anymore and I refuse to do so. Please think about what I have said if you have a sick friend or family member. It’s not what you say, it’s what you do. Have a wonderful day!!!

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