Lost in your disease or your life!

I think we can all look back at our lives when we were at a crossroads as to where we are going in life. I remember the stress that hit me in high school of “What do I want to be when I grow up” Your kinda lost, I thought I wanted to be a hairdresser, got my license worked but then realized I wanted to use my brain more and help people, so that’s why I changed careers, but having this illness, I am not longer that occupation I loved, I am no longer the person I used to be and I have grieved that and trying to find out where I fit in now, and where I will fit in the future. I don’t know. But I can tell you I am to sick to even think about it, I need to save my energy for my treatment and my getting better, So I have to let it go and just pray the pieces will fall into place. We all have a purpose, and I knew mine, now I have to find out what the next purpose is. I am not defined by my disease, but people ask and I share and then they disappear and that’s ok, it doesn’t really bother me any more. I am still Kelly and I still have the same heart and values and morals and likes and dislikes, I just have to live differently. Sometimes that’s where my stubbornness comes into play, I want the old Kelly back, She loved what she did and was good at it and I truly loved going to work every day. We all have our own challenges and have been given some gifts with our illnesses? Yes I mean that, I believe it has taught me, we only live once, you can’t settle for what is just comfortable, patience, helping others, caring for others, no judgements.

I also think as we age, we are meant to have cross roads in our life, or our life would be stagnant, we wouldn’t learn from others or about anything else. You get comfortable in those shoes you were living and it hard to step out of them. I believe the same to be true even if your not sick, you can be heading down one road and here comes either the stop sign or the y in the road, you may fail at something new, but you tried, you may succeed but its still doesn’t hit your core, that this is meant for me. I think by practice and error you find your passion, I remember I read a book on this topic and it said when your little, you play what your heart desires, whether that be a teacher, a mom, a ceo of a company, warehouse worker, I knew from when I was a little girl I wanted to be a mom no matter what, I wanted six kids, that didn’t happen. I didn’t expect to be a single mom raising two boys but I did it. I loved playing house, I still love to fix up my house when I can, I didn’t want to be a banker, hated math, I loved Barbie’s, but my doll house was my thing, it was a family, so for me that represented as a adult why I was the mother that I was and still am today, It was in my core. Helping others, I use to visit the widows in the neighborhood and visit because I thought they needed a friend, I still to this day like to help people in what ever way I can. So now I can help people with invisible illnesses, my life doesn’t have to end or my purpose, just find another way to use it.

But for the generation coming up behind us, I think some kids are lost, outside influences confuse them on their morals, values and their purpose, there so busy with electronics they never found their passion, so when its time to move forward they don’t know where to go what to do. Imagination is a wonderful thing our kids don’t have today because they are always entertained, since so many programs removed out of the schools, they don’t know if they want to or are good at playing instruments, or art, ect. So as kids growing up being entertained, how are they suppose to know what they enjoy other than more electronics.

I found journaling to help me find my way out of my cross roads, clears my mind, and journaling the right way, to get to know the real you, taking those tests that tell you what you would be good at, meditation but guided imagery is also a wonderful tool that I love and should be used more often.

So that being said, we were all put here for a purpose, mine was different than my brothers but that creates a balance in the world, if everyone had the same gifts, it would be a boring world. So of the most interesting people I have met are people I wouldn’t expect, total opposites of me but that’s a good thing, If you have 6 kids, each one will have a special gift to bring to the table and you have to listen to your gut and your heart to tell you what that is. Musicians are amazing to me, their talent creativity, but me, my kids cried when I sang to them. A really good sales person has a talent if you buy with out feeling pressure, I would not be a good sales person, I know this to be true, but others are and God Bless them. Some are meant to be Doctors and I would try to soak up any information that they would share, but socially not so much, I love teaching Doctors about my disease. Showing them the research I have done, because they learn something from me. Collections! No way no how, I would by every excuse they had to not pay a bill. So knowing these things, I know at least where my road is not going. Right now my road is my illness and helping who I can along the way.

So If you take one thing out of this post today, You are a gift, you are enough, you have a purpose, don’t give up, live your passion! Don’t let outside influences tell you differently because if your not living authentically and with your passions, you live your life with a empty heart.


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