Tag Archives: journaling

Lost in your disease or your life!

I think we can all look back at our lives when we were at a crossroads as to where we are going in life. I remember the stress that hit me in high school of “What do I want to be when I grow up” Your kinda lost, I thought I wanted to be a hairdresser, got my license worked but then realized I wanted to use my brain more and help people, so that’s why I changed careers, but having this illness, I am not longer that occupation I loved, I am no longer the person I used to be and I have grieved that and trying to find out where I fit in now, and where I will fit in the future. I don’t know. But I can tell you I am to sick to even think about it, I need to save my energy for my treatment and my getting better, So I have to let it go and just pray the pieces will fall into place. We all have a purpose, and I knew mine, now I have to find out what the next purpose is. I am not defined by my disease, but people ask and I share and then they disappear and that’s ok, it doesn’t really bother me any more. I am still Kelly and I still have the same heart and values and morals and likes and dislikes, I just have to live differently. Sometimes that’s where my stubbornness comes into play, I want the old Kelly back, She loved what she did and was good at it and I truly loved going to work every day. We all have our own challenges and have been given some gifts with our illnesses? Yes I mean that, I believe it has taught me, we only live once, you can’t settle for what is just comfortable, patience, helping others, caring for others, no judgements.

I also think as we age, we are meant to have cross roads in our life, or our life would be stagnant, we wouldn’t learn from others or about anything else. You get comfortable in those shoes you were living and it hard to step out of them. I believe the same to be true even if your not sick, you can be heading down one road and here comes either the stop sign or the y in the road, you may fail at something new, but you tried, you may succeed but its still doesn’t hit your core, that this is meant for me. I think by practice and error you find your passion, I remember I read a book on this topic and it said when your little, you play what your heart desires, whether that be a teacher, a mom, a ceo of a company, warehouse worker, I knew from when I was a little girl I wanted to be a mom no matter what, I wanted six kids, that didn’t happen. I didn’t expect to be a single mom raising two boys but I did it. I loved playing house, I still love to fix up my house when I can, I didn’t want to be a banker, hated math, I loved Barbie’s, but my doll house was my thing, it was a family, so for me that represented as a adult why I was the mother that I was and still am today, It was in my core. Helping others, I use to visit the widows in the neighborhood and visit because I thought they needed a friend, I still to this day like to help people in what ever way I can. So now I can help people with invisible illnesses, my life doesn’t have to end or my purpose, just find another way to use it.

But for the generation coming up behind us, I think some kids are lost, outside influences confuse them on their morals, values and their purpose, there so busy with electronics they never found their passion, so when its time to move forward they don’t know where to go what to do. Imagination is a wonderful thing our kids don’t have today because they are always entertained, since so many programs removed out of the schools, they don’t know if they want to or are good at playing instruments, or art, ect. So as kids growing up being entertained, how are they suppose to know what they enjoy other than more electronics.

I found journaling to help me find my way out of my cross roads, clears my mind, and journaling the right way, to get to know the real you, taking those tests that tell you what you would be good at, meditation but guided imagery is also a wonderful tool that I love and should be used more often.

So that being said, we were all put here for a purpose, mine was different than my brothers but that creates a balance in the world, if everyone had the same gifts, it would be a boring world. So of the most interesting people I have met are people I wouldn’t expect, total opposites of me but that’s a good thing, If you have 6 kids, each one will have a special gift to bring to the table and you have to listen to your gut and your heart to tell you what that is. Musicians are amazing to me, their talent creativity, but me, my kids cried when I sang to them. A really good sales person has a talent if you buy with out feeling pressure, I would not be a good sales person, I know this to be true, but others are and God Bless them. Some are meant to be Doctors and I would try to soak up any information that they would share, but socially not so much, I love teaching Doctors about my disease. Showing them the research I have done, because they learn something from me. Collections! No way no how, I would by every excuse they had to not pay a bill. So knowing these things, I know at least where my road is not going. Right now my road is my illness and helping who I can along the way.

So If you take one thing out of this post today, You are a gift, you are enough, you have a purpose, don’t give up, live your passion! Don’t let outside influences tell you differently because if your not living authentically and with your passions, you live your life with a empty heart.


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What is the difference between Anxiety and Depression?

Dysthymia (dis-THIE-me-uh) is a mild but long-term (chronic) form of depression. Symptoms usually last for at least two years, and often for much longer than that. Dysthymia interferes with your ability to function and enjoy life.

With dysthymia, you may lose interest in normal daily activities, feel hopeless, lack productivity, and have low self-esteem and an overall feeling of inadequacy. People with dysthymia are often thought of as being overly critical, constantly complaining and incapable of having fun.


Dysthymia symptoms in adults may include:

  • Loss of interest in daily activities
  • Sadness or feeling down
  • Hopelessness
  • Tiredness and lack of energy
  • Low self-esteem, self-criticism or feeling incapable
  • Trouble concentrating and trouble making decisions
  • Irritability or excessive anger
  • Decreased activity, effectiveness and productivity
  • Avoidance of social activities
  • Feelings of guilt and worries over the past
  • Poor appetite or overeating
  • Sleep problems

Dysthymia symptoms usually come and go over a period of years, and their intensity can change over time. But typically symptoms don’t disappear for more than two months at a time. In general, you may find it hard to be upbeat even on happy occasions — you may be described as having a gloomy personality.

When dysthymia starts before age 21, it’s called early-onset dysthymia. When it starts after that, it’s called late-onset dysthymia.

When to see a doctor

It’s perfectly normal to feel sad or upset sometimes or to be unhappy with stressful situations in your life. But with dysthymia, these feelings last for years and interfere with your relationships, work and daily activities.

Because these feelings have gone on for such a long time, you may think they’ll always be part of your life. But if you have any symptoms of dysthymia, seek medical help. If not effectively treated, dysthymia commonly progresses into major depression. Sometimes, a major depression episode occurs in addition to dysthymia — this is called double depression.

Generalized Anxiety Disorder.

It’s normal to feel anxious from time to time, especially if your life is stressful. However, excessive, ongoing anxiety and worry that interfere with day-to-day activities may be a sign of generalized anxiety disorder.

It’s possible to develop generalized anxiety disorder as a child or an adult. Generalized anxiety disorder has symptoms that are similar to panic disorder, obsessive-compulsive disorder and other types of anxiety, but they’re all different conditions.

Living with generalized anxiety disorder can be a long-term challenge. In many cases, it occurs along with other anxiety or mood disorders. In most cases, generalized anxiety disorder improves with medications or talk therapy (psychotherapy). Making lifestyle changes, learning coping skills and using relaxation techniques also can help

Generalized anxiety disorder symptoms can vary. They may include:

  • Persistent worrying or obsession about small or large concerns that’s out of proportion to the impact of the event
  • Inability to set aside or let go of a worry
  • Inability to relax, restlessness, and feeling keyed up or on edge
  • Difficulty concentrating, or the feeling that your mind “goes blank”
  • Worrying about excessively worrying
  • Distress about making decisions for fear of making the wrong decision
  • Carrying every option in a situation all the way out to its possible negative conclusion
  • Difficulty handling uncertainty or indecisiveness

Physical signs and symptoms may include:

  • Fatigue
  • Irritability
  • Muscle tension or muscle aches
  • Trembling, feeling twitchy
  • Being easily startled
  • Trouble sleeping
  • Sweating
  • Nausea, diarrhea or irritable bowel syndrome
  • Headaches

There may be times when your worries don’t completely consume you, but you still feel anxious even when there’s no apparent reason. For example, you may feel intense worry about your safety or that of your loved ones, or you may have a general sense that something bad is about to happen.

Your anxiety, worry or physical symptoms cause you significant distress in social, work or other areas of your life. Worries can shift from one concern to another and may change with time and age.

Symptoms in children and teenagers

In addition to the symptoms above, children and teenagers who have generalized anxiety disorder may have excessive worries about:

  • Performance at school or sporting events
  • Being on time (punctuality)
  • Earthquakes, nuclear war or other catastrophic events

A child or teen with generalized anxiety disorder may also:

  • Feel overly anxious to fit in
  • Be a perfectionist
  • Redo tasks because they aren’t perfect the first time
  • Spend excessive time doing homework
  • Lack confidence
  • Strive for approval
  • Require a lot of reassurance about performance

When to see a doctor

Some anxiety is normal, but see your doctor if:

  • You feel like you’re worrying too much, and it’s interfering with your work, relationships or other parts of your life
  • You feel depressed, have trouble with drinking or drugs, or you have other mental health concerns along with anxiety
  • You have suicidal thoughts or behaviors — seek emergency treatment immediately

Your worries are unlikely to simply go away on their own, and they may actually get worse over time. Try to seek professional help before your anxiety becomes severe — it may be easier to treat early on.

 The good news is with both these disorders is there is help, it can be medications, meditation,Journaling,  behavior therapy, mindfulness, exercise, seeing a counselor.   You can live a life with these disorders.


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